this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
