my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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