why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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