dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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