My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
