I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
