I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
