also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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