Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This baby is an asshole
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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