Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
