handjob tips. give me some.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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