he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
