You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
