I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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