youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
