best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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