from now on my penis is your penis
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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