walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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