She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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