proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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