Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize