I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
