I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
