they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
