You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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