My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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