I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
