your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
