I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
