i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
