He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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