My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
