so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
