i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
