The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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