Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
