I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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