got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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