So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
