The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In America we eat man semen.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
