Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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