I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need water and some morals
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
