Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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