That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
