my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
