you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
