Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
