positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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