I will die if light touches me.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize