is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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