Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
