She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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