I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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