I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
