Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize