remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
