Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
