part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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