thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
