Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
