I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
