Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You pole danced in your parka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
