my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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