She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
