there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize